Brazilian Political Humor: A Lula joke

Brazilians love to tell jokes about the Portuguese, the Argentines, parrots and their dear political leaders. As far back as I can remember, they have expressed the same level of dry, cynical humor with their presidents. So it was for Geisel, Figueiredo, Sarney, Collor, Cardoso and now with Lula - none escape. Here is a joke about Lula, translated. Click on the small icons for the full image.

Here it goes:

End of the World. God, unhappy with humanity and its sin, decides to end it all. He calls all the world leaders to tell them personally about His decision to end all human life in 24 hours.
"I have called you together to tell you I will destroy all humanity in 24 hours".
The people argued "But, Lord...."
"No buts.. It is over, the earth is finished. So go back to your respective countries and tell them to get ready".
You have 24 hours!

Bush. The first to leave was Bush. In Washington, in a message to the nation, Bush tells his people: "My dear Americans, I have good news and bad news for you".
The good news is that God exists, He has spoken to me, but we all knew that.
The bad news is that this great nation, our great dream, will no longer exist in 24 hours. This is the will of God.

Fidel. Castro brought all the Cubans together and said: "Comrades, People of Cuba, I have two pieces of bad news.
The first is that God exits... Yes, I have seen him, I was really close to Him. I was wrong all the time.
The second bad news is that this magnificent revolution we have worked for so long will no longer exist.

Lula. When his turn arrives, Lula says "... Today is a very special day for everybody because I have two pieces of good news.
The first good news is that I am a messenger sent from God, because I have spoken with Him personally.
The second good news is that, as I promissed in my election campaign, in 24 hours there will be no more unemployment, illiteracy, drug traffic, delinquency, violence; there will be no more problems with transportation, water, electricity, housing or bureaucracy. And even more spectacular is that there will be no more taxes, and there will be no more misery, poverty or hunger in this country. The PT (Lula's Worker's Party) has kept all its promises.

Another Lula joke

Lula's English. Some people like to amuse themselves because of the fact that Lula, a middle-class metalworker turned union leader turned politician turned president has a somewhat limited format education (no university degree), at least compared to so many other Brazilian leaders (think Fernando Henrique Cardoso...). Anyway Lula is known to make grammatical errors or misuse vocalulary on ocassions. Hey, give him some slack! Anyway, this is a joke about Lula making a speech in English, and the Portuguese translation of his English speech, and the English translation of the Portuguese translation, or something.... Here it is:

O INGRES DO LULA
(O discurso do Lula para Bush)
Put a keep a real, Bush
Brazilians east a pass and fool me.
No come pay she, all face, spa get,
cow view floor, mac car on
No teen mail kilo the car knee
Put is grill low, pre scisor come her.
No is key see the shoe.
See no food dishes too do.

INGLES DO LULA
(O discurso do Lula para Bush)
Puta que pariu, Bush
Brasileiros esta' passando fome.
Nao come peixe, alface, espagetti,
couveflor, macarrao
Nao tem meio kilo de carne
Putz grilo, precisa comer.
Nao e' esquisito.
Senao fode-se tudo.

LULA'S ENGLISH
(Lula's speech to Bush)
Damn it, Bush
Brazilians are going hungry.
Don't eat fish, lettuce, spagetti,
cauwerflour, noodles
Don't have half kilo of meat
Damn it, need to eat.
Is it not strange.
Else everybody is screwed.

A Sarney joke

. Sarney was the president-by-acident that took office in the 1980s after the popular President-elect Tancredo Neves died. I never like him, which is an understatement. He represented the worst of Brazilian politics, being a "coronel" from the Northeast.

Anyway, during his presidency, Sarney went to France on a state visit. In Paris, the French officials wanted to please Sarney, hoping for contracts and favors...
-- Senhor Presidente, is there anything we can do for you while in Paris. Is there anything you would like to see or do?
-- Well, yes, actually there is pequeno small favor..
-- Anything Sr. Sarney, the French government is always willing to help our dear Brazilian friends. Would you like another squadron of Mirage jets at a very special price? and we maybe can arrange it so that your friends can handle the deal...
-- Well, uhh, hummm... No. Its really not that kind of favor..
-- What do you mean, Sr. Presidente? Please tell us...
-- Well, you know, I am a man, and my wife is kind of "problematica" as we say, and I would like to go to the Moulin Rouge and visit some of the "meninas"... you know...
-- Oui, nous comprenons votre probleme.. We are French, after all...
So the French officials discretely take Sarney to a famous house in that infamous part of Paris.
-- Viola, mon Presidente. Just go upstairs and enjoy yourself.
About 5 minutes later all of the girls come rushing down the stairs, yelling "perverti!", "idiot", "repugnant!", "Fils d'une ..."
The French were totally mystified, because, after all, the girls were used to all kind of strange and revolting requests.
So they asked the ladies what Sarney wanted to do that was so disgusting.
-- He said he didn't have any dollars or franks, so he was going to pay in "cruzados" (The new Brazilian money, instituted by Sarney)

Page updated: June 2004